TONGUE-TIED
The plaintiff was being extremely irritating. How awkward can you get? Why wouldn’t she give her evidence?
“Speak up, please. The Court hasn’t all day. We have your written statement but we must hear you give your evidence and you must be cross-examined by Counsel.
“This really is too bad: - making those grotesque noises and poking her fingers into her mouth in that disgusting way! I suppose we’re intended to conclude that because she’s got no tongue she can’t speak. Well it won’t do. She’s prejudicing the evidence.
“Her statement says that the dentist cut off her tongue while performing a minor operation in her mouth. Well we’ve only got her word for it, and only in writing at that! The surgeon says there was no tongue in her mouth when he started to operate and of course he is an expert. I feel we ought to accept his clinical judgement on the matter. He would have noticed a tongue if one had been present.
“The heavy bleeding afterwards, despite necessitating a massive blood transfusion, could well have been spontaneous. ‘Nervy’ people often get nosebleeds, and this could well have been something of that sort.
“In view of the stubborn refusal of this lady to give evidence I sentence her to seven days’ imprisonment for contempt of court.
“Case dismissed! Costs against the plaintiff!”
© 1988 Margaret Wilde
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