Black and Blue - Short Story by Margaret Wilde

Black and Blue

 

Her skin was definitely taking on a darker hue. It began with the sides of the nose. She attacked what she took to be blackheads. She scrubbed them with cleansing grains for open pores. She applied refining astringemts. She redoubled her scrupulous facial cleansing night and morning. She tried lemon juice to lighten the colour.

 

The darkening spread slowly, irregularly and ineluctably out from her nose.

 

No-one appeared to notice.

 

Her teeth began to darken too. Light grey became dark grey. Dark grey became black. They loosened somewhat.

 

She took to eating food which required no chewing: mashed potato, potted beef, soft white bread, tinned rice pudding...

 

She avoided smiling, gave up singing, appeared morose as she spoke less and less. Her eyes grew dim, though they often brimmed with tears. She cried herself to sleep night after night.

 

Still no-one drew attention to what she thought was so glaringly obvious. Tact, she supposed. - She consulted her doctor.

 

"You say you noticed a darkening from about six months ago? Well I'm sure it's nothing serious. A bit too much sun, perhaps. - More noticeable to you than to anyone else. - Take one of these tablets an hour before you go to bed. - Come and see me again in about a month." Throughout his monologue the doctor barely looked at her. His gaze and his attention were elsewhere - on his desk? on his prescription pad? on his previous patient? on his imminent lunch?...

 

She consulted a dentist: "Oh well, if it's been going on so long it's probably psychological you know. Have you seen your doctor? What about a psychiatrist?"

 

Were they all mad? Or was she going mad? Surely not. Her face was almost black all over now.

 

She was having a light lunch at work, sharing a table with another woman. She responded monosyllabically to the proffered conversation. - Oh God!  A tooth had finally detached itself! A thin, coal-black, top front tooth plopped into the soup she was eating, and her companion was splashed a little. Murmuring brief, embarrassed excuses, she hurriedly rose and left the table.

 

It was a week to the day after this that her black face fell off, also into the soup.

 

The bones revealed were black too.

 

She could not speak at all now, of course, without lips, and with only a few back teeth; but with her shrunken black-furred tongue she attempted to reply to people who, amazingly, continued to behave as if nothing was amiss.

 

It was the winter that finished her off. Her head was so very cold without the face. Every breath was a chill agony, though she tried to protect the exposed bones by wearing a modified Balaclava helmet.

 

The remaining stumps of teeth were chattering uncontrollably; there was a sudden "Snap!" and her head fell off.

 

It turned out to have been a hereditary problem. What else can you expect when your name is Schwarzkopf?

 

 

Margaret Wilde © 1983

Deluded Dentists?

Women with agonising toothache in the 1980s used to encounter daftnesses like these:

Saying that you are in such agonising pain that you are contemplating suicide, proves you are 'really' depressed. You do not need your imaginary pain to be dealt with; you just need antidepressants.

"Prescribing antidepressants to someone who is contemplating suicide because of the intensity and long duration of pain is a life-saving measure and I am proud of saving lives in this way." - A belief (about their women patients) commonly held by GPs in the 80s.

"He wasn't being rude to you. Speaking like that is just his way." - This was Miss Anne Atkinson's response when I told her that Mr Reg Dinsdale had repeatedly addressed me as "You Fat Depressives" (plural), instead of by my name. These two misguided health professionals worked at the Charles Clifford Dental Hospital. Mr Dinsdale was an 'eminent' oral surgeon. Miss Atkinson was a Senior Lecturer in dentistry who claimed to be trying to help me.

When I told my then GP, Dr Hazel Radley, of Mr Dinsdale's insulting way of speaking to me, she described it as "Shock Treatment", intended to 'shock' me out of believing that I was in pain!

Miss Atkinson demonstrated her own mastery of daft dental logic by insisting to me that I was not really in pain, I only thought I was in pain!

And when Mr Dinsdale was performing an apicectomy on my UL2, he told his student assistant that Depressives did not actually feel pain, they only complained about being in pain! - And when bone failed to regenerate after his poorly performed apicectomy, which had left me in greater pain than before, he told the student who was looking at the X-ray with him that 'neurotics' were very poor at regenerating bone! - Very clearly, this man was deluded. An 'ordinary dentist', a general dental practitioner, did a re-apicectomy on the UL2 the following year, and this time the op was done properly and the infection was properly removed so that the bone did at last regrow.

I was sent by Roger Heesterman - Community Dental Officer, I think his title was - in a further stage of the cynical game of pretending that something was being done to help me, to see a Mr Hirschmann, another high-up dentist at a dental hospital in another city, (Heestermann could, and should, in my opinion, have helped me himself. He was a qualified dentist after all. But I suppose there was some Dept of Health rule that people complaining of dental negligence must on no account receive any actual help, only exhausting hassle so that they'd give up their struggle.)

Hirschman said that no doubt I did have some dental problems, but that the real problem was depression. He said that he wouldn't indulge me by taking any X-rays and that none of the dentists there would help me, but possibly one of the students could be spared after the summer holidays...

In contrast to all this daft dangerous misogynistic nonsense:

I had an article published in Mensa magazine about my great suffering at the hands of high-up dental drips:  Cruelty, Negligence and the Abuse of Power in the NHS: Fighting the System. Someone sent a copy of the article to an academic health campaigner, and she wrote to me to commend me for my "excellent piece in Mensa about customer complaints". She continued, "I have been fighting the medical attitude to consumer complaints - especially from women - for years - as a member of a Regional Health Board, then Chair of the Patients Association, now as a lay member of the General Medical Council.

I certainly remember a number of cases from my days at the Patients Association of patients with intractable dental pain who were treated as neurotic or frankly loony - and all women. They were laughed at, insulted and generally had a rotten time."

She went on to suggest that I should write a similar article for the British Dental Journal to get to the professionals directly. - I did, in fact, do this, but the article was rejected, as you might, perhaps, have guessed it would be.


The very top man in the whole world on the subject of pain used to be Professor Patrick Wall of University College, London, who died in 2001. In a personal letter to me some years ago, he wrote: "Simple-minded doctors and dentists (the majority) have a built-in scale of how much pain they expect for how much damage. If you fall outside their norm, you are labelled as mad. It is they who need their heads examining. They also need to read and think."

If you would like to further your education but the cost has put you off, this offer of free university courses may interest you

If you would like to further your education but the cost has put you off, this offer of free university courses, reported on BBC News Online, may interest you: Launch of FutureLearn, UK's biggest online university project.

 

If you are trying to get off amitriptyline, stay motivated by focusing on how much better you will feel without it.

If you are trying to get off amitriptyline, you are reducing it gradually, of course, because that is the safest way. But you will already be thinking more clearly, and your impaired memory will be improving. You're less thirsty, less constipated, steadier on your feet and less liable to faint, having fewer nightmares. Your breasts are becoming less swollen and less painful, your swollen face is returning to normal. You are feeling less bloated, your vision is less blurred.

 

There are so many side-effects of this dangerous drug, and they are so unpleasant and harmful - especially if you have been prescribed it in high dose - and the benefits from taking it are so few and, in my opinion, not worth the candle. You may find that the greatest blessing of all from getting off amitriptyline is that you will lose a lot of the weight gain that has been puzzling you. So you'll have more energy and feel ever so much better!

 

It's Invisible Illness Week

You can read about Invisible Illness Awareness Week here. And here's a web article listing the personal thoughts and experiences of someone who suffers from an invisible illness. Since we are all guilty at times of misunderstanding and making false assumptions, maybe reading these pages will help us not to add, unintentionally, to the difficulties of sufferers from invisible illness.

I have to see a cardiologist about Atrial Fibrillation

I've had AF (Atrial Fibrillation) for years but I've never seen anybody about it before. Maybe you've read about GPs frequently assuming women are healthy when actually they have heart disease. (See also Unconscious bias: why women don’t get the same care men do.) - I'm hoping that some of this massive excess Blood Volume can be removed and thus relieve the pain of all the swollen veins (caused by taking inappropriately prescribed drugs in the past). - Fingers crossed I'll not be expected to take drugs for the condition. I'm very anti-pharmaceuticals because they have caused me such harm.

Cave Salem!

If my blog and I were transported back in time, and you, Dear Reader, were an Ancient Roman, then I might well say to you, "Cave salem!" thus giving you a bit of advice to improve your health. Though of course, as an Ancient Roman, you would not be particularly in need of that bit of advice...(o: 

 

But in our present-day culture, and speaking in English, I say, "Beware of salt!" and that is a very necessary warning for most people, because there is way too much added salt in our modern diets. The Food Industry ladles a great deal of salt into the ready meals and other processed food products it manufactures. - Excessive salt intake may well be contributing to your weight problem, or to your high blood pressure and breathlessness. It may well have been the main factor in the stroke or heart attack you had or any/all of the chronic ill-health you suffer. - Be that as it may, if you cut down on the amount of salt and salty food you eat, you will feel ever so much better, have more energy and think more clearly. Give it a try! - Read about salt in food.

Here's a bit of information about butter which may not yet have come your way.

Here's a bit of information about butter which may not yet have come your way. - Anchor butter, which used to be a pastured butter, can no longer be relied upon to be a pastured butter. - Previously it was made from the milk of cows that eat grass - New Zealand grass as it happens, because Anchor butter used to come from New Zealand, where there is lots of grass and lots of fine sunny days for the cows to go out into the pastures to feed. When cows feed on grass in pastures, their milk and other dairy products are said to be pastured. (Not to be confused with the word pasteurised.)- So Anchor butter no longer has  the health benefits that it used to have when it was from grass-fed cows. President butter is pastured butter, and I believe Kerrygold is also pastured butter.

You can read here why pastured butter is better for you than butter from cows that are not grass-fed: http://aboutsalt.blogspot.co.uk/2010/08/have-you-ever-given-thought-as-to-which.html

And you can read here why butter is much, much, much, much, much better for you than margarine! - http://wildeaboutobesity.blogspot.co.uk/2010/12/butter-is-good-better-and-best.html

Maybe, like me, you were lured along the wrong path many years ago, but it is never too late to change to the healthier option. - Go on! - Give it a whirl!

I'm disappointed about these government U-turns that disfavour Public Health

I'm disappointed about the two current government U-turns that disfavour Public Health, namely an indefinite delay in the introduction of plain cigarette packaging and the anticipated abandonment of plans for minimum alcohol pricing in England and Wales. Disappointed, but not, of course, surprised. The opportunity to accord a modicum of protection to children's health by making smoking less of a temptation before they become addicted is obviously so much preferable/more likely to be effective than attempts to beat addiction to smoking as an adult. But our government is more concerned about tobacco industry profits than about child health. And similarly is more concerned about the profits of the alcohol trade than about the appalling and increasing harm that heavy drinking is causing, notably in young people and in particular young women, and tragically pregnant mothers who continue drinking too much alcohol during their pregnancies, thus giving birth to babies suffering with terrible health problems from the very start of their damaged, shortened lives.

This government made clear its lack of concern about public health shortly after coming into power, when Andrew Lansley, then Secretary of State for Health, put the profits of the Food Industry above the health of UK citizens, by opposing and reversing the planned ban on synthetic trans fats in processed food products. He mendaciously painted the intended ban as an example of a 'nanny state'.

It's so HARD to find a SOFT bed

It's so HARD to find a SOFT bed these days! - or a fairly soft bed, or a medium soft bed, or a slightly soft bed or anything even remotely approaching what could be described as a soft bed...)o: - Well that's what I've found anyway.

 

It used not to be difficult to find a soft bed. I had a pretty soft bed when I was a girl. And when, in my twenties, I went to stay at my cousin's for a week or two, I slept on a divinely soft bed. I floated on clouds...(o: - That was a feather bed.

 

But somewhere along the years, the belief that a bed 'should' be hard began to be taken up. We were told that firm, i.e. hard as a rock, beds were good for our backs. (Not my back, that's for sure.) These beds of uncomfort were sometimes referred to as 'orthopaedic' beds and were often 'endorsed by' medics well-rewarded for these cryptic endorsements.

 

For a brief period there was a resurgence of somewhat softer beds, among them latex foam mattresses and water beds. And divan beds could be bought with spring bases. - We Softies could rest more easily for a while. - But then it became the thing to have drawers under the mattress. - Goodbye, sprung bases! - And people found that water beds were not the panacea they had been led to believe. - And I harbour the ghost of a suspicion that the EU couldn't bear the thought of anyone sleeping comfortably in their beds and so brought out regulations that militated against softness in beds. - Maybe it was something to do with fire safety...(o: - Maybe we shouldn't be comfy in bed in case there's a fire and we just can't bear to flee to safety 'cos our beds are so lovely and comfy...(o:

 

These days, lying in their teeth, salespeople and their marketing brochures will extol the 'virtues' of memory foam beds. They will claim that memory foam beds are soft. Even as they speak and even as you read the brochures, the noses of the sales and marketing staff are, like Pinocchio's nose, growing because they are telling porkies. Any day now we will hear of a salesman whose nose has grown so large that the birds of the air are flying to nest in its branches...

 

Believe me; if you want a bed that is hard, a bed that is firm, a bed that resembles cast-iron, then a memory foam bed will be just perfect for you. - But if you want a soft bed, well, they don't make 'em any more...

'Afternoon Tea' doesn't HAVE to be a Carbfest.

 'Afternoon Tea' doesn't HAVE to be a Carbfest. - I was invited out for 'Afternoon Tea' one day last week by friends who know that because of iatrogenically-induced food sensitivities I have to be very careful what I eat. -  So K reassured me beforehand that she had looked on the internet for suggestions of 'paleo' snacks. Very thoughtful of her. - I'll bet you're wondering what was on the table and what I had to eat and drink? - Well what I ate consisted of delicious, dainty, crisp-sized omelettes (organic free range egg) onto which K spooned tiny helpings of chopped ripe avocado, and I also ate some Yeo Valley natural unsweetened full fat yoghurt. There were some tiny pieces of chopped apple too, but I didn't have those. And I drank tap water and 2 cups of tea. - A bit of an unusual afternoon tea, perhaps, but much healthier than salt-laden/carb-laden ham sandwiches and sweet scones spread with jam.

David L. Katz Recommends Eradicating 'Kid' Food

David L. Katz Recommends Eradicating 'Kid' Food and I must say I'm with him there. If you read his article, I reckon you'll agree with him too.

If you are pregnant or hoping to become pregnant, do be aware that taking anti-depressants may harm the unborn baby.

If you are pregnant or hoping to become pregnant, do be aware that taking anti-depressants may harm the unborn baby. Read this BBC News report. You may like to read further about anti-depressants on my webpage here, and some further advice for pregnant mothers here.

If your skin is red and you're not a tomato

If your skin is red and you're not a tomato or a beetroot, it's very likely that you are sensitive to salt. I say this because salt sensitivity tends to cause skin-thinning and swollen veins. Then because of the thin skin the veins are effectively nearer to the skin's surface, and their red/purple/blue colour makes the skin appear flushed. 

 

I suggest that you try cutting down on salt and salty food. If you take up my suggestion, your high colour will be reduced and you will feel ever so much better! You will lose some excess weight/fluid retention, lower your blood pressure, reduce your risk of stroke, heart attack, cancer and diabetes, increase your energy and pep up your mental alertness. - "Bring it on!" I hear you cry! - And here's an added inducement to desalinate your diet: read "The Fat Man with the Red Face."

The beautiful china side plate is trying to tempt me.

 It was a present long ago, the beautiful bone china plate. The pattern is called Haddon Hall and it is made by Minton. Could there be a prettier plate, a prettier pattern? - I doubt it.

 

I took it from the cupboard some weeks ago, thinking to have its beauty out and about and not hiding in a cupboard, thinking to sweeten the days with its flower heads and leaves and curly whirly stems and sober elegant green rim trapped in Merry-Go-Round under the smooth, tactile glaze. - But it is taking revenge for its long imprisonment.

 

Whenever it catches my eye it sends its message: "I suggest - nay - I demand a scone or two! Some jam, milady! Some clotted cream! A pretty butter knife! - A Haddon Hall plate needs to be fed and cosseted."

 

Poor plate! I am resisting your blandishments...

Are you troubled by Brain Fog? Too 'foggy' and tired really even to think what to do?

Are you troubled by Brain Fog? Wish you could counter it but don't know what to do? Too 'foggy' and tired really even to try to think about what to do? Well I offer some simple  suggestions.

First off I'd recommend cutting down on salt and salty food. People who try this are commonly amazed at how much better they feel, and how much brighter, happier and more energetic. Even in just a few days.

Secondly, cut down on sugar and sugary food, and on bread/biscuits/wheat. These are notorious for causing fluctuations in blood sugar levels, which can lead on type 2 diabetes, with its attendant health problems of overweight, tiredness, vision damage/possible blindness, cognitive decline, impaired mobility, depression and many more, including premature death.

Improve your nutrition. - You're tired and you can't think straight and that makes processed ready meals/convenience foods a big temptation. Try hard to overcome this temptation because this sort of food is usually high in salt and sugar, the baddies I have already indicted, and very low in nutrients that your brain and body need. They are nutrient-poor and baddie-rich. Instead of taste, they offer addictive saltiness and sweetness, with the added harm of artificial colours, artificial toxic garbage like MSG (monosodium glutamate), synthetic transfats to lengthen 'shelf life', etc. (Note: if an ingredient lengthens the shelf life of a food product, it's a pound to a penny that it shortens the longevity of the person who eats the product!)

Vitamins that are especially helpful for brain fog are Vitamin B12 and Vitamin D. - If you click on the Vitamin D label beneath this blogpost you can read some of my earlier blogposts that go into more detail about this very important vitamin. See also this related page with more info about Vitamin D and other essential nutrients.) Similarly you can read further about Vitamin B12 by clicking on its label beneath this post.

Avoid taking anti-depressants, the ultimate in pharmaceutical junk! Tricyclics and any other drugs that have anticholinergic properties cause memory loss, cognitive impairment/decline and can lead eventually to dementia. You've only got one brain and one body. Don't damage them with pharmaceutical junk.

As you gradually improve your health in the ways - or at least some of the ways - I have mentioned - you will hopefully soon have the energy to do a bit more and take a bit more exercise than you can manage at present. Exercise will in turn add to the virtuous circle and reduce your brain fog and ill-health even further.

And here's a more authoritative and much more detailed webpage about clearing brain fog for when you can cope with reading more demanding reading material than my little effort.

You are wondering whether you would lose weight if you cut down on or give up the amitriptyline you take?

You are wondering whether you would lose weight if you cut down on or give up the amitriptyline you take? - Well the answer is that if you have gained weight as a side-effect of taking amitriptyline, you will almost certainly lose weight when you cut it down or gradually give it up. - But depending on how long you have been taking it and how high the dose, you may not be able to lose all the weight gained. - On the other hand, if you seriously reduce your intake of salt and salty food, it is actually possible to return to your previous weight or even lower! - Read about how amitriptyline causes weight gain, and about how to lose weight by eating less salt/sodium.

You've not got a cold or any similar infection but you're troubled by frequent sneezing/mucus problems like post-nasal drip or a runny nose?

So - you've not got a cold or any similar infection but you're troubled by frequent sneezing/mucus problems like post-nasal drip or a runny nose? - Well these problems can be caused by sensitivity to salt (which can have resulted from taking prescribed meds), and if that is the case you may like to try cutting down on salt and salty food. The problems can also be caused by eating sugary food, so you could try eating less of that. Whether your problems are salty or sugary, cutting down on processed foods is likely to improve matters. And you will feel so much better!

More grist to my (salt) mill!

Yes! - More grist to my (salt) mill - my message about the many, many health benefits of eating less salt and salty food' - See this web article, published today: Is Salt Causing Inflammation and Autoimmune Disease?

If you are about to start taking amitriptyline then be prepared for weight gain, bloating, excessive thirst, painful breasts, swollen face, constipation, memory impairment and other problems.

If you are about to start taking amitriptyline then be prepared for weight gain, bloating, excessive thirst, painful breasts, swollen face, sodium retention, fluid retention, constipation, memory impairment and other problems. You can read here about the adverse effects of taking amitriptyline. The adverse effects are not temporary. You can mitigate the severity of these side-effects by seriously cutting down on salt and salty food.